


How Avengers Tower Got New Mascots: Or Jaxy and Rabbit Move In

by faeleverte



Category: The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Cats, Tony Swears, need more coffee, pointless silliness, shut me up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeleverte/pseuds/faeleverte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Avengers Tower Got New Mascots: Or Jaxy and Rabbit Move In

“What the hell are those, and where did they come from?” Tony shouted. He was posed for dramatic effect, one arm in front of him, hand wrapped around a glass of whisky, index finger extended toward the couch. The other arm was held stiffly to his side, fingers splayed with shock, and his wide, dark eyes were bulging above a gaping mouth.

“They’re called ‘cats,’ Stark,” Natasha told him, speaking slowly and clearly, as if to a very small child. “As for where they came from, I’m sure you had a biology class at some point in your life.”

The cats in question were really just kittens, one a black on black tabby and the other a ball of silver and white fluff with thumbprint sized smudges of yellow-orange over one eye and down the opposite jaw. The black one looked up with eyes of indeterminate grey and yawned, clearly bored with life.

“But how did they get here?” Tony asked. He tossed the whisky down his throat, not even feeling the warmth.

Natasha shook her head, leaning down to poke the furry pile with one finger. She drew back, clearly bewildered, when both kittens began purring at a volume akin to the growl of Tony’s Lamborghini. The black kitten squeezed its eyes shut and draped a paw over its nose; the silver turned its head upside down and smooshed its way further under the chin of its darker companion.

***

“So I want to know who brought cats into the tower,” Tony announced at the end of the celebration dinner that night. “I was under the impression that no one here was in possession of pets before coming here. And now there are cats. I will not hesitate to ask JARVIS to scan through the security footage to see who is harboring a cat box. Please tell me there’s a litter box somewhere.”

He was greeted by blank stares from everyone around the table. Not that blank stares were definitive evidence of anything with this group; half the group was trained to lie, and the other half were just surprisingly sneaky. He gritted his teeth, trying to out-glare them all, hoping to make someone crack.

“JARVIS,” Tony barked. “Who has the litter box?”

“There is no evidence of kitty litter anywhere in the building, Sir,” the AI replied from speakers hidden near the ceiling. 

“That is not good,” Coulson said, his voice still raspy from the weeks with a tube down his throat. “We should take care of that pretty quickly.”

“Before there is ‘kitty litter’ behind the furniture, if you know what I mean,” Clint said, grinning at his own pun.

“You are not funny, either one of you,” Tony told them coldly. 

“We can’t keep them here,” Bruce said. “I don’t think any of us are particularly well-equipped to care for kittens, and this place is not cat safe. Think if they got in the labs.” 

“Hulk kitties?” Tony said brightly, ignoring the look of pure disgust Bruce gave him. “Although they are unlikely to be able to figure out their way past the security locks.”

“Could they be spies?” Natasha asked. “Are there implants or recording devices on them?”

“No, Agent Romanov,” JARVIS replied. “Bio-scans indicate nothing out of the ordinary about either kitten. They are both nothing more nor less that simple cats.”

“They are awfully small creatures, are they not?” Thor boomed from his seat at the end of the table. 

Pepper had graciously given up her position at the foot in favor of giving Thor plenty of elbow room. She sat at Tony’s left, leaving the seat at his right for Coulson, for whom they were celebrating release from medical, as well as celebrating the official opening of the Avengers’ residences. Although Coulson had chosen to keep his own apartment, he was not allowed to be on his own yet, and so was staying in the guest rooms on the communal floor. Tony and Pepper were delaying their return to Malibu so that she could be on hand for the SHIELD liaison should the team be called out. Barton sat beside Phil, keeping a close eye on his handler and friend. Bruce sat on Clint's other side, across from Natasha, and Steve sat between the two women, as apparently Steve was the only man Tony trusted to maintain enough manners to keep from getting one of Natasha’s knives in the ribs. On the other hand, if he did get stabbed, he would also heal the quickest, so it was a win either way.

“I don’t know anything about cats,” Steve was saying to Pepper. “I’m more of a dog person. Not that I have ever had a dog, either, mind you.”

“I like cats,” Natasha said. “They have wicked self-control and, no matter how much they may like someone, they will always put themselves first.”

“Not always,” Coulson said. “I have seen a great deal of self-sacrifice from cats. An aunt of mine had a cat that sat on her bed without getting up to eat or drink for two days while my aunt was dying.”

“How did we get onto a conversation about the various merits of cats?” Tony said. “This is supposed to be a party, not a crazy cat lady convention!”

“You did bring them up,” Pepper told him primly. She took a sip of champagne and gave him her blandest smile, the one that went with the wide, vapid eyes. 

“I hate when you do that,” Tony grumped. He folded his arms over his chest, blocking the faint light of the arc reactor that shone through his t-shirt. “And, really, all I want to know is what we’re going to do with them.”

“There is no shelter open to take them to, this time of night,” Coulson said. He rubbed a hand wearily over his face. “I suggest someone find a place to get a litter box and food, and we’ll figure out what to do with them in the morning. In the meantime, I think I should get horizontal fairly soon. Fading here.”

Clint stood, offering a steady hand to help Coulson from his chair. 

“I’d feel a lot better about things if you’d stay at my place tonight,” Clint said. “Or Tasha’s. We’re both light sleepers, just in case you need anything.”

“I’m sure JARVIS can get your attention if I should need it,” Coulson replied, leaning into the archer’s shoulder for support. “Right now, I’m not sure I can walk that far.”

Clint pursed his lips and edged from the room, supporting the shorter man with an arm around his shoulders.

“Tash,” Tony said, “I think you’ve lost your boyfriend for the time being.”

“Hmm, imagine,” Natasha replied blandly. She unfolded from her chair and picked up her plate and Pepper's. “I’ll clean up the dishes if someone else will go take care of the cats’ necessities.”

“I’ll take care of the food,” Bruce said.

“And I have to get up early for work,” Pepper said. “It’s been a lovely evening. Thank you all so much. Please excuse me. Goodnight.”

Which was how Tony Stark found himself walking through a big box store at ten o’clock at night, trying to figure out where to find pet supplies, accompanied by an equally confused Steve Rogers.

***

The alarms sounded the next morning, and Pepper came breezing up from a meeting to wait with Coulson while the rest of the team suited up and dashed off to save the world. The two of them sat on the couch with a cat apiece on their laps, watching the action on Phil’s laptop. Phil had an earpiece in with a private line to Barton, with whom he exchanged friendly jibes and observations about tactics. Pepper, watching Phil’s face, began to have suspicions at that moment, but she decided not to say anything and busied herself with petting the tiny head that butted against her arm.

When the team finally returned, Pepper greeted them on the deck and pressed a finger to her lips. They all filed in silently, only slightly dirt-smudged and sweaty, to find Coulson asleep on the couch, both kittens curled into tiny balls on his chest, one resting right over the scar left behind by Loki’s spear. 

“We’re still not keeping the damn things,” Tony said, but no one seemed to be listening. 

***

Two weeks later, the kittens were still in the Tower, and they had somehow acquired names. Everyone was fairly certain Clint had named the little black one Jaxy, but no one would own up to being the first to call the silver long-hair Rabbit. They were friendly little beasts, always looking for a lap to curl up on, and they had managed to wrap Thor around their tiny little paws. He seemed to always have one or the other tucked on his shoulder when he was watching cartoons in the common lounge. He was also the first one they went to mew pathetically at around mealtimes, figuring out quickly that he was a sucker for their pathetic eyes. Even Bruce had been seen reading in the corner with Rabbit on his lap, dancing under his fingers as he scratched her head and back. 

A few days after the names were in common use, the cats found their way into the workshop, and Tony hit the roof.

“JARVIS!” he shouted, watching kittens and Dummy chase scattered sockets all over the smooth concrete floor. “Call the whole goddamned team down here right this minute!”

Five minutes later, when everyone had squeezed through the door, trying to hide their smiles, Tony unloaded on them.

“These things are menaces!” he said, gesturing to the cats. “Look at this place! It’s a hazard! They could break something or make it explode! They could get themselves killed, and then how would you feel?”

“And this is different from having you in the lab... how?” Bruce asked, eyes wide and innocent.

“That is not even funny!” Tony shouted back. “Who let them in? How the HELL did they make it past the locks?”

“Sir,” JARVIS said. “I believe the kittens made use of Agent Barton’s personal entrance.”

“Barton doesn’t have a personal entrance to the workshop,” Tony said. And then understanding dawned. “DAMMIT, CLINT! STAY OUT OF THE DUCTS AROUND MY SHOP!”

“Sorry, Stark,” Barton said. “I’ll go secure those grates now.”

“DAMN RIGHT YOU WILL! AND DON’T COME NEAR THIS PLACE AGAIN. I WILL FIGURE OUT HOW TO ELECTRIFY THE ENTIRE GODDAMNED CLIMATE SYSTEM IN THIS PLACE IF I HAVE TO!”

Natasha and Steve had stalked and captured a kitten each and were edging toward the door.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, BOTH OF YOU!” Tony screamed at them. “YOU WILL GET THOSE CREATURES OUT OF MY TOWER TOMORROW! IF THEY AREN’T GONE, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE!”

He was breathing hard, face red and hair standing on end. 

“Stark,” Coulson said. “Take a breath. We’ll deal with the cats. Just... calm down.”

“Tony,” Pepper said, reaching for his wrist. “Hey, let’s just sit down and let Dummy pick up, okay. Look, he’s nearly done now that the kittens are contained.”

Tony shook her off and pointed dramatically toward the door. Everyone filed out, much less amused than when they had entered.

***

The next morning found Tony asleep and drooling on himself on the beat-up leather couch in his shop. His hair was coated with grease, and there was blood on his cheekbone where he had smacked himself with a tool at some point during the night. He grunted in his sleep, surprised by how warm he felt in the usually cool room. And then he faded into deeper sleep and went back to drooling.

***

“We have to find them,” Pepper said. There was a wrinkle of worry between her perfect brows. “I thought Tony was going to have a heart attack over those cats last night.”

Steve nodded, and started whistling as if for a dog. Thor dropped to his knees, peering under furniture and making a crowing noise that he would later insist was how he called his horse. Bruce went to the kitchen and opened a can of food, clinking the bowls against each other and calling their names, but no kittens appeared. Clint and Natasha exchanged a long look and slipped off to explore the less accessible areas of the tower. Phil watched them all for a moment and then went to the elevator.

An hour later, the team, plus Pepper, minus Tony, gathered back in the main lounge. 

“I found them,” Coulson said. He grinned wickedly and held his phone up to show them all the picture he had taken. In it, Tony reclined on the sofa in his shop with a kitten tucked tightly in each armpit. 

“Do you think we can use it as leverage for our friends to stay?” Thor asked, hope blazing in every bit of his face. 

“I don’t know,” Pepper said, biting her lip. “He was awfully angry about them being in there last night, and he may throw another temper tantrum if he finds them back in his shop.”

“Who’s throwing tantrums?” Tony asked suddenly, breezing into the room. He had a cat in the crook of each arm.

“We were looking for them,” Clint said. “I locked those vents down tightly last night, I swear it.”

“I know,” Tony said.

“We were trying to get them out of here before you woke up,” Steve told him, reaching for Rabbit.

Tony curled his arms closer to his chest, cuddling both cats against his arc reactor.

“You were trying to get rid of my cats? How dare you!” and he swept dramatically out of the room.

“JARVIS,” Coulson said in the silence that followed their insane genius’s departure. “How did the kittens get into the lab this time?”

“They simply meowed at the door until Sir let them in, of course,” JARVIS answered. “As they have done every time Sir has been in the shop since naming the grey one ‘Rabbit.’”

***

“How do you think they got in the tower in the first place?” Clint asked Coulson that night as they shared the couch in Clint's apartment, Coulson’s feet resting in Clint’s lap while they watched TV.

“I can’t begin to imagine,” Coulson replied, smiling to himself as he ran his fingers along the tiny black spine of the kitten on his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> For the Jellomonster. Because I blame you.


End file.
